Oh S*&% it’s Valentine’s Day…Again?

It comes once a year. I know. And it didn’t even creep up on me. That’s what Pinterest is for, right? To remind us of all the crafts we love but won’t be making before the next big holiday (I’m talking to you…the Easter pinners…you know who you are!)

I talked last year about Why We Don’t Celebrate Valentine’s Day. And I was feeling gypped then. And I’m feeling even more gypped now. Cause in the past year I haven’t received any flowers from my husband (save the ones he gave me when I was ready to walk out the door). I did get a card for my birthday, a lovely card. But not even a Christmas gift that I didn’t buy for myself and slap his name on.

And here it comes again. Another card & flowers day that I won’t be getting a card or flowers. Except the flowers I got from my mom and sisters. Thanks ladies.

I don’t want a fancy dinner. (But I don’t want to cook either.)

I don’t want a diamond from Kay. (Because even though kiss begins with K, I don’t need a diamond to kiss my husband.)

I don’t want a fancy bottle of pink Champagne. (Ok…I DO want a fancy bottle of pink Champagne. Or any wine really. But maybe I can settle for one glass. Not because it’s V Day. But because Mama really wants some wine back in her life.)

I don’t want a night on the town or an expensive hotel room. (Cause it would only be wasted on me trying to get some sleep.)

What I want is to be told that I am the love of his life.

That I am an amazing woman and wife and mother.

That what I do…making our home and raising our daughter every day…means something.

I want a beautiful bunch of flowers that smell good and look lovely for a week or so. And I want the flowers to come with a card that I can read every time the going gets tough. Cause let’s face it. We’ve had a shit-tastic year.

Between our horrible fighting and Michael’s indiscretions at the beginning of last year, the back-to-back tragedies of losing a baby and losing a home in the middle of the year and the exhaustion and tension of surviving the family drama of this holiday season (and well into the new year), we’ve been put through the ringer.

Thanks to regular counseling and intense work on our parts we are a better couple, more connected, making hard decisions for what’s best for us and our family. And looking forward with simultaneous excitement and anxiety to welcoming the next member of our little family in a few short weeks. It’s been quite a year indeed.

But the day to day is just that. Here we sit. Perfectly silent. Me on the laptop. Him on the iPad. Not speaking. Not interacting. Just being. Separately.

Of course we need this time to our selves, cause y’all know we don’t get any time for ourselves during the day, and let’s face it, it’s not gonna get much better once Nugget arrives. But I want a day. And if it’s another day than Valentine’s so be it. But that’s the problem. It’s never another day either. It just doesn’t happen. Ever.

I was given the advice last year to be proactive and set some dates up myself. And I have tried. We have worked up to sleepovers at my in-laws. And occasionally we’ve even had dates on those nights (and they were fabulous). But not for months. And worse? I’m starting to resent always being the one to make the plans and put everything together by myself.

I bought every single gift this year for Christmas (for all sides of the family), including my own, without even a bit of involvement from Michael. Did everyone get a gift? Yep. And did I get things I wanted? Sure. Functional, everyday, Amazon wish list stuff. Nothing as special or interesting or exciting as if I would have received it from my husband without knowing I was getting it.

So is it too much to ask for one day of special? Of romance? Of cards and flowers? Of not having to plan all the details myself?

Maybe…but a girl can hope, right?

Cause I love this man. I do. And he is mine. Forever. We are One. And I will shout it from whatever mountaintop if he ever needs reassurance. And I hope this time he can do the same thing for me.

I mean, can I just get a moment like this one? No one else in the world but the two of us (at least that’s how it felt). Only this time in my yoga pants in my living room. It can still be Sade playing.

Comments

  1. Leah Janish says:

    I totally get you on this. I reminded Joe a week ago about Valentines Day, hoping that would motivate him ahead of time. What I got in response? Grumbling about Valentines Day being a money-making holiday. Makes me question if I picked the right one, because is it really that hard to do something special for the one you love?
    And I do the same thing with gifts- every single one I have to buy for both sides of the family. He says he will do it, but then he waits to the last possible second. I’m too anxious to do that, so I just do it all myself. It would be nice if our spouses spent half as much time putting thought into things as we do.

  2. someone please tell me why is it that when we kiss our prince they turn into frogs?! I hope you get the gesture of appreciate and romance you deserve.
    Teresha@ Marlie and Me recently posted..Kids

  3. nobody's nobody says:

    Praying that everything will continue to improve. Maybe you can put yourself in his shoes and see the daily things he does that can be appreciated. It can’t always be poor me…maybe he feels that he works so hard you should appreciate it. After all, it is a blessing that you do not have to work full time and still do all of the domestic things you currently do.

  4. Andrea Aiuto says:

    hey alexia I am just now reading this blog and i can relate to you so much even as a single woman. sometimes the biggest gifts don’t mean anything, it’s the small simple words and things that mean more.

    Did Michael end up doing any of that for you that you wanted/hoped for? do you express this to him or does the writing do that for you?

    I love your wedding photo and all your other ones, such a pretty day you two shared. I know you have had a hard year and I am glad you and Michael are on the right road and tracks again for 2012. I hope it continues to grow.
    Andrea Aiuto recently posted..WAKE UP!!!!

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