Nearly (Wordless) Wednesday: My Beautiful Monster

My Monkey is trying to kill me. Or at very least trying to make me wear me down to the point that she can have her way always.

She is mean, demanding, bossy and rude. About everything. Even taking pictures. (Which is why we are still lacking even one decent picture of the four of us since Isora was born).

Every rule that she used to follow, like no coloring on the furniture, has been thrown out the window. And there is crayon on every single surface of this house.

She doesn’t listen, even when speaking to her in a calm low voice, on her level, eye-to-eye. In fact she rolls her eyes, or turns her head so I can’t look her in the eye. Or she refuses to answer yes or no. Or she says ‘Huh?’ over and over and over again.

Simple things that she used to do quite easily, without much prompting, like picking up her blocks, she screams about.

Oh yea. She screams. Loudly and ear-piercingly. It wakes the baby every. single. time.

She asks for time outs. And even asked if she can sit in her time out chair for lunch. Obviously time out is not making her think twice about her actions.

Even though she picks out her own clothes, what shoes she wants to wear and how to do her hair she still fights me on every single aspect of getting dressed but refuses to do it herself.

Going to bed every night has turned into a 2+ hour debacle, ending with either her or I in tears. The other night she called me “Meanie Mommy” and I totally fucking lost it. Sobbing like a baby. Then she said, in her sweetest voice ever “I’m sorry Mommy. Are you ok?” and I cried even harder.

I don’t want to be the Meanie Mommy. It pains me to think that’s how she sees me. I hate that I’m always angry, frustrated or yelling. It seems like we’ve tried so many different techniques, so many ways of not saying no, so many ways to redirect her or try to distract her.

Every morning I wake up and tell myself the day is going to be different. That today will be the day I break through her funk and figure out how to talk to her so that she will listen to me (and yes, I’m reading the “How to Talk so Your Kids will Listen…” book and so far it’s not working). And every day by lunch time I lose it.

What seems to help is thinking about things from her perspective, though it’s not an easy exercise. More so, it seems to help when I try to remember to make life fun and joyful instead of serious and dull.

But what also helps is to remember for every single terrible thing she does there are so many wonderful things about this child.

She is so incredibly smart. The things she remembers astound me. She has a really large vocabulary and can hold pretty interesting conversations.

And she’s determined. She just decided she didn’t want to wear diapers anymore and started to potty train. She did so good with it and made us so incredibly proud. If there’s something she wants to do or accomplish she focuses really hard on doing it and only rarely gives up out of frustration.

Monk is so loving, almost to a fault. She loves kissing and hugging everyone, particularly other kids, and especially her baby sister. And though we often raise our voices to get her out of the baby’s car seat or swing (while the baby is in it), she is just doing it to love on her sister. Her protective instinct is off the charts.

She is so incredibly sweet.

And silly.

And curious.

And thoughtful.

And she is truly a beauty.

A very sweet friend of mine told me about her older daughter regressing when her younger daughter was born. She said by five or six months life was just easier, everything had calmed down and they were actually functioning and getting along as a family again.

I suppose it’s like the sleepless newborn nights, huh? You just get used to these phases of acting out and regression and just as suddenly as they came they are over? How am I supposed to keep myself from killing her in the next three or four months though?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Motherhood is the single most challenging and rewarding job I have ever and will ever have. But it just really feels like we are leaning way more on the challenging than the rewarding side these days.

Guess I’ll just keep looking at this picture and thinking about how much I love her and how lovely she truly is underneath it all…

Loving suggestions and advice is certainly welcome. Happy WW everyone!

Comments

  1. Tracey says:

    I’m glad you try to remember how amazing Monk is when times get hard. She’s a great kid and you’re a great mom! They don’t call them the terrible twos for nothing, right?

    • Alexia says:

      Yea. Guess that’s why Mom blurs all of us together…cause if you remembered how hard the first one was you’d never have any more. Thanks my dear, glad that someone doesn’t think I’m a Meanie Mommy.

  2. Sarah says:

    Awww. Sweet photos.
    Sarah recently posted..Pirate Birthday Party | Impromptu Parties {WW # 41}

  3. Teresha says:

    I would suggest that we swap, but I have a willful, demanding diva too. my saving grace is the 6 hours she’s at school m-f. when she comes home I try to anticipate to avoid the triggers that start our squabbles. I have snacks and activities all at the ready. It’s exhausting to prepare for bedtime 2 hours in advance but it preserves my sanity. A better book is Raising Your Spirited Child. I think it’s by the same authors

  4. Susan says:

    She sure is beautiful. Great shots mom?
    Susan recently posted..A weekend to rememberā€¦

  5. I love how you noted the positive aspects of Cedella’s strong will… those traits are going to be amazing for her in adulthood. I wish I had some magical advice to share… but, I found 2 1/2-3 1/2 to be a tough stretch — mainly because they start talking back! Remember how excited we were when they started talking? Ugh. You can only do your best to be patient and trudge through the best you can. Start the bedtime routine an hour early if you need to… and grab a beer when you are about to lose it!! HA! It *will* get easier… and you will still enjoy some really amazing moments during this somewhat difficult stage. Hang in there!
    Kelli @ Momma Needs a Beer recently posted..Let’s Camp!

  6. Elena says:

    How adorable is she. Great shots! My little one doesn’t really like the camera, although she has been warming up to it lately! Aren’t kids just fresh though? They are fresh one day and then sweet the next!

  7. Little Dude does the same things – motherhood certainly is a challenge yet rewarding, isn’t it? She is gorgeous – and, as the saying goes, this too shall pass. šŸ˜‰ ((HUGZ!))
    Stacy Uncorked recently posted..All Mixed Up

  8. Erika @NAMAmmaSTE says:

    Holy crap can I relate! I could have written the exact same post about Dylan. I just came down from another pretty stressful bedtime routine which ended with him saying “mommy aaa”. Yup, mommy yelling is all too common lately! :/. I’m so glad you wrote this! It’s nice to hear its normal and will end eventually.
    Erika @NAMAmmaSTE recently posted..Motherhood, identity, and finding my groove

  9. Laura says:

    We also went through this when Sullivan was a newborn. Bedtime with the two of them on my own made me want to jump off of the roof. But we made it through and things are better!

    Thoughts on Cedella, it sounds to me like she’s craving power/control because alot of her life is out of her control. This is typical of most two year olds and having a new baby sister just compounds it. You have to be Mean Mommy sometimes, having clear expectations of what you want to happen, giving warnings of when things will happen, and what the consequences of not doing XYZ will be. Then ALWAYS follow through. Smarties like her will see through empty threats like freshly washed windows. You can offer her choices, but always make them choices you can live with. If you know she can do things by herself let her. We say a million times a day you can do it yourself or I can help you. Adah doesn’t usually like help with things. If she doesn’t do it then I say, as I’m sitting on her in her carseat, next time you can do it yourself and I won’t have to sit on you. Then the next time I remind her how sad she was the last time. After awhile it WILL get better. As for things like crayons and such. Logical consequences. If you write on things other than paper you can’t have crayons anymore today or this morning. I’m at the point where Adah gets one warning then it’s done. I don’t do more because she trys to take advantage too much.

    Anyways, I’ve said a whole lot that may or may not be helpful. Hang in there Meany Mommy!

  10. nobody's nobody says:

    ask your Mom how much more fun it is with three, heeheehee

Trackbacks

  1. […] My little monster, Cedella, is 2 Ā½ going on 13. I wrote all about her blossoming Terrible Twos HERE. […]

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