You have probably seen in the last few pictures of Cedella her hair, down past her waist, wild and tangled and free. She was a baby born with a head-full of hair and though she lost the entire back of her newborn hair, it quickly filled in and grew. And grew. And grew some more.

What started out as fine and wispy and maybe even a bit of a curl on the end had become this thick jungle of golden brown sunlight streaked ropes of hair.

Sadly there was a daily battle to weed-whack the jungle and keep it tame. For weeks I told her that if she wanted to have long hair she needed to allow me to brush it everyday before we left the house. And for weeks she battled me every morning to get her hair brushed.

Finally, in desperate need for a bit of weed whacking myself, I made an appointment for both of us to visit my friend Laveda’s house for a couple of haircuts.

She played with Laveda’s son while I got my hair trimmed, just the perfect little lady. And she didn’t even push or shove her sister while I was occupied.

And then it was her turn.

When I asked her earlier in the day how she wanted her hair to be cut she said she wanted it “to her shoulders”. And when Laveda asked she said the same thing. I tried, in vain, to push her towards a bob with cute little bangs, but she just wasn’t having that. She insisted on “to her shoulders”. And that’s what she got.

Not one hesitation, not one tear, and though she was a bit wiggly, apparently she was better than most kids at sitting still for a haircut.

And when it was done…Wow. Très jolie!

She was very happy with how it turned out.

But for me, well, I was a thrilled with how beautiful her hair looks and devastated by how grown-up she looks.

I mean, seriously, slow down kid. She looks like a grade-school kid!

Special thanks to my friend Laveda for chopping all our hairs and making us a beautiful duo again!

And thanks to all for the outpouring of love, commiseration and support on my post yesterday. With your thoughts and prayers and hard work on our end we are going to be okay. Much love to you all…

Happy WW everyone!!

This year on our 4th wedding anniversary Michael went missing for 12 hours after posting some very freaky and scary stuff on his Facebook page. In order to protect his privacy I won’t go into detail about what happened, but I will say that I was terrified that I was never going to see him again and that I was going to have to tell my girls that their dad was gone. It was one of the most difficult nights of our life together. Thankfully he made it home dazed but injured.

Things had been slowly degrading for a month or so before that day, including several freak-outs leading to Isora’s first birthday. We were just hanging on by threads and trying our hardest not to bite each other’s head off during every waking moment.

The hardest things is that I feel like I’m just treading water over here. Not really getting anything done. Not really working on anything of my own. It’s all I can do to keep the girls clean, dressed, fed and engaged every single day. Let alone all the stuff that has to be done around the house. The dishes. The laundry. Grocery shopping. Pay bills.

It’s all I can do to crawl into bed every night. No blogging. No phone calls. No photo editing. Just exhaustion and more work.

Michael is working to get himself back in better mental health. But with the stress of his job and the stress he creates for himself by dwelling on negativity it just seems like he takes two steps forward and three steps back.

I am trying, really truly trying, to be supportive and helpful and to keep my complaints and frustrations to myself. But then something happens to really upset me, be it the way he’s speaking with Cedella, or the way he’s speaking about himself, and I let it all out. And it’s not pretty folks.

These days have been made all the more difficult by Cedella’s Terrifying Threes. She is challenging nearly every second of every day. Her sweet and silly temperament is seen in rare glimpses and in one-on-one situations. When the 4 of us are together she is the Wildest Beast of them all.

She is pushing and hitting her sister. Punching and hitting me. Arguing and screaming at her dad.

And the saddest thing is that I know why this normal three year old moodiness is so intense in her.

Ella the Sponge is absorbing all the negative energy and strife which surrounds her and is directed at her. It crushes me to know that during this hard time, this time when she needs our love and patience the most, we are constantly angry, frustrated and irritated with her, and all while praising Isora’s latest milestone or funny moment.

I feel for my sweet Monk, I do. And I’m trying to keep in mind how much she’s struggling, how much she’s hurting, but it’s so HARD. Especially when I feel like I’m doing all the parenting on my own.

But there is light on the surface of the water and I’m beginning to kick and claw my way up to take a breath of fresh air.

School is out in E. Lansing so the students are leaving town and business is going into summer calm mode. Which is perfect for Michael since he worked three 17 hour days in a row this past week. How he didn’t go postal is anyone’s guess…

And tomorrow we are getting in the car and hitting the road and heading out East to Cape Cod to visit with good friends and to take some much needed time away from the madness here at home.

I know that this is only a short phase in a long life, but it has taken it’s toll. I am a tired, tired mama. I’m in need of some help and a break. Hopefully this trip is just what we need to get back on track.

There is one thing I know for sure though — mental health issues should not ever be ignored, put off or minimized, because mental health issues are no joke. The more we, as a family, as a society, as a world, pretend that depression, anxiety or psychosis are not serious health issues, the more devastating problems the human family will experience.

Just like we would expect and encourage someone diagnosed with cancer to seek the best treatment possible and to take their medication and continually check-in with their doctor, we should encourage this type of behavior from loved ones with mental health disorders. Perhaps in families like ours if we talked more about these issues there would be less conflict, less miscommunication, more love and more understanding.

We must get beyond the idea that depression is something that someone can just turn-off by ‘thinking differently’ or being ‘thankful for the good things they have’. That is simply impossible for someone who has a mental health issue. Their brains function differently from ‘normal’ brains. Instead of insisting they handle things the way you or I would handle them, we need to try to be open to helping people find what works for them.

By really listening and opening our hearts with love and compassion we can connect to someone who really needs it, whether they’re 3 or 35 or 70. Maybe, just maybe, build a bigger and more loving family and community. Give someone you love a hug today, won’t you?

Also we need plenty of good vibes and thoughts as we embark on a 14-hour road trip…here’s hoping we all survive!!

With Cedella I really went to town doing a bit of a photo shoot for every single month and (almost) always a monthly update of all her stats and milestones.

Yea. Isora doesn’t have any of those fancy updates, but I will tell you a little bit about her…

At now 13 months old, Isora is one of the funniest and sweetest children I have ever known. She is so quick to smile, to laugh and to make others laugh. You can’t help yourself when she makes a silly face at you or flashes one of her sweet dimpled smiles. She’s contagiously happy.

Now it may be true that she has a big sister to race after and to learn from, but she is crushing every single milestone possible. The girl walked at 9 1/2 months, like her sister, and is now doing all sorts of talking and eats like there’s no tomorrow. She’s so determined and fearless that she just went down the big kid twisty slide at the park without hesitation and giggled the whole time.

She has a pretty incredible vocabulary so far. Her words now include: Daddy, Mommy, Ella, Izzie, Anna, Mia, Bia, Kira, Gramma, Teta, Jido, Elmo, Ernie, dog, monkey, milk, eat, all done, water, Diego, more, please, thank you, up, down, wrap and ‘here you go’. Yep, ‘here you go’, real fast. It sounds like ‘herego’ but she says it as she passes something to someone. So. Smart.

I can hardly believe that she has only been a part of our family for one year. It feels like I’ve never lived without her. I love to see her sleeping face. She looks so much like her dad when she sleeps. But nothing warms me like her smile. It takes my breath away.

I remember wondering how I could ever love another child as much as I love Cedella. Isora made it easy. From the exact second I saw her she was my love. It was so easy. She is so easy to love.

Mere moments after she was born and those blushed cheeks were already two of my favorite body parts in all the world.

Not sure what I love more, her multiple chins or her smooshy cheeks.

Though she had been smiling before this I could never catch it on camera. But those smirks were in full effect by month 2.

It was hot out. So why not put the sticker directly on the baby, huh? Count those delicious rolls. Love.

At 4 months old Isora took her first dip in Lake Huron. She might have been less than impressed. But adorable none the less.

Now she’s starting to come into her signature grin. When she smiles her whole face smiles and her eyes sparkle.

My sweet little pumpkin at 6 months old in the pumpkin patch. Poor baldy. She really did lose her hair for a while there. Doesn’t matter. I’d pick this little pumpkin from the patch. Notice the socks, which means, thankfully, she wasn’t walking yet.

Enjoying a warm Thanksgiving Day at Aunt Gayle’s in South Carolina at 7 months old marking her first official road trip and first time meeting her Great Grandma Cecelia.

Izzie Biz’s first Christmas morning. She looks a bit dazed and confused. In fairness, it was a lot of stuff to open. She liked her books the most.

A Linus in the making? Or Alicia Keys perhaps? She babbles and sings as she plays, making me just so proud.

Teeth!! On Valentine’s Day (about 11 months) you can finally see she has four teeth. And that’s a silly smile, not a grimace. She was laughing…

The smiley happy Birthday Girl. Hair filling in, little teeth showing, smiling as usual and thighs overflowing the Babylegs. All. Good. Things.

This year has been challenging and incredible and lovely. Well, aside from the past month or so. But every single moment with Isora is worth it.

She is the very definition of sunshine when skies are gray. May she always keep this gift of light that she graces people with, both loved ones and strangers alike.

Thanks for going on this little flashback journey with me. Hope we brought you some sunshine today! Happy Wordless/Wordful Wednesday to each and every one of you!