Watching Her Sleep

It’s so damn hard to believe that after almost 2 years of being with Cedella nearly 24/7 I am still so completely in awe of her.

She went down for her nap by asking so sweetly for mama milk in mama’s bed. She just wanted to snuggle with me. And when she was asleep I just stayed there, lying next to her, watching her sleep, for about 10 minutes. Just staring. And crying.

That sleeping face just gets me every. single. time. Her perfect full lips pushed out every so slightly. Her beautiful long eyelashes sweeping across her cheeks. Her warm olive skin glowing. A few wispy strands of perfectly highlighted light brown hair drifting across her forehead. She just keeps getting prettier and prettier.

Tonight as she climbed up on my lap to read books, Monk snuggled up close to me, wiggling her little body as close as possible to mine. As I read ‘Duck on a Bike’ tears rolled down my cheeks and onto her shiny hair. Pregnancy hormones may have had something to do with this outburst.

But seriously. This child is growing so much every single day and so damn independent that these moments are fleeting. Few and far between. I can hardly get her to give me a hug when I pick her up after a sleepover at her grandparent’s house. And today? All snuggles and love and sweetness. It was almost too much.

And as she fell asleep on my shoulder, clinging to my arm, I cried again. (Seriously…with all the crying.)

I can’t even begin to imagine how I’m going to be able to love another child, as much as I love Cedella. How do you other parents do it? How do you love another child as much as the first? Is it even possible? (I’m not asking you Mom, cause obviously I’m still your favorite…)

I’m fairly confident that the moment I hold my second daughter I will fall in love all over again. And watching Little Nugget grow and hit all her milestones and our own unique relationship and bond will create another beautiful love.

But for now I am perfectly content to spend the next five months being a one girl Mama. And taking a ridiculous amount of pictures of this perfect child sleeping…

Comments

  1. Katie E. says:

    That is such a beautiful picture. I remember feeling similarly before my second was born – the first was still the center of our world, and it was so hard to imagine having room in my life for another one. But you just adjust. It just happens, and you love them both (or more if you ever have a third, I should say). There’s always room for more love for your kids. My girls were 2 1/2 years apart, and I was shocked by how little jealousy my oldest had for the new baby. She just loved her immediately, and I think that made the family expansion easier.
    Katie E. recently posted..Random Tuesday

    • Alexia says:

      Thanks Katie! I know it’s possibly to love more than one kid it just seems so foreign to me right now. I’m excited that they’re going to be so close in age, hoping they grow up close like me and my sister!

  2. Aww, you are too cute!! I completely agree with the sleep-watching, though. I get mesmerized and just can’t help it!
    Jocelyn @ ScooterMarie recently posted..1 year

  3. dumb mom says:

    Such a sweet shot. And her eyelashes! I too recall feeling this way while pregnant with #2. How will I love him as much as #1? Will I have a favorite? Will the kids be able to tell? Is my heart really that big?! And, yep, it is. Even had space to squeeze in another one! I don’t think one’s ability to love has limits. Its’ your number of arms that runs out!
    dumb mom recently posted..A Linky for Your Troubles.

    • Alexia says:

      Thanks, this picture is one of my all-time favorites. One of those awesome Instagram pics. Good to know that all moms seem to go through this period of wondering when they’re pregnant with #2 or beyond. Thanks again for the Twitter shout-out!

  4. Arnebya says:

    Isn’t it amazing that we question whether we’ll love subsequent children? Our motherly love has no limit; it is not bound by our number of children. You will marvel at the same (and different) things about your second daughter. You will be no less in awe of and in love with her. It just is.

    • Alexia says:

      I think it is amazing, and so insanely human. I am getting rather excited at all the new and incredible things this little girl will do!! Thanks for helping me find perspective with this!

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