Watching Her Sleep

It’s so damn hard to believe that after almost 2 years of being with Cedella nearly 24/7 I am still so completely in awe of her.

She went down for her nap by asking so sweetly for mama milk in mama’s bed. She just wanted to snuggle with me. And when she was asleep I just stayed there, lying next to her, watching her sleep, for about 10 minutes. Just staring. And crying.

That sleeping face just gets me every. single. time. Her perfect full lips pushed out every so slightly. Her beautiful long eyelashes sweeping across her cheeks. Her warm olive skin glowing. A few wispy strands of perfectly highlighted light brown hair drifting across her forehead. She just keeps getting prettier and prettier.

Tonight as she climbed up on my lap to read books, Monk snuggled up close to me, wiggling her little body as close as possible to mine. As I read ‘Duck on a Bike’ tears rolled down my cheeks and onto her shiny hair. Pregnancy hormones may have had something to do with this outburst.

But seriously. This child is growing so much every single day and so damn independent that these moments are fleeting. Few and far between. I can hardly get her to give me a hug when I pick her up after a sleepover at her grandparent’s house. And today? All snuggles and love and sweetness. It was almost too much.

And as she fell asleep on my shoulder, clinging to my arm, I cried again. (Seriously…with all the crying.)

I can’t even begin to imagine how I’m going to be able to love another child, as much as I love Cedella. How do you other parents do it? How do you love another child as much as the first? Is it even possible? (I’m not asking you Mom, cause obviously I’m still your favorite…)

I’m fairly confident that the moment I hold my second daughter I will fall in love all over again. And watching Little Nugget grow and hit all her milestones and our own unique relationship and bond will create another beautiful love.

But for now I am perfectly content to spend the next five months being a one girl Mama. And taking a ridiculous amount of pictures of this perfect child sleeping…